Cheerleaders, Critics, or Coaches: Which One Are You (And Does It Actually Work)?
Let’s be honest. We all say we love people… until we actually have to work with them.
Sure, a PhD in “Human Development” sounds fancy (and probably comes with a graduation hat and free coffee somewhere), but the truth is, if you’re a Christian, you’ve already been enrolled in the discipleship program. No student loans. No escape. Because working with people requires all of us…
Whether you lead a team, raise a family, or seem to be the go-to in your work setting, you’re in the people business. And that means how we respond, and nurture those around us are key indicators of Christ-likeness inside of us.
Developing people isn’t about what you need to get from others. It’s about what they need for themselves.
God places leaders in our lives to help us mature and step into the fullness that God has- and so if you’re a leader, that’s part of your role for someone else. What I’ve discovered is that the most rewarding investment in my life has been investing in people.
It’s all well and good knowing that it’s important to develop people, but how do we strike the balance between being the good guy or the bad guy? Good cop, bad cop… Gandalf to Frodo?
Adam Grant shares a framework I recently found helpful:
Are you a Cheerleader, a Critic, or a Coach?
📣 The Cheerleader: All Hype, No Depth
These are the “You’ve got this!!! 🙌✨” people.
They are enthusiastic, affirming, and make you feel like you could run a marathon after two minutes of motivational talk (even though you still haven’t run since Year 9 PE).
Everyone loves a cheerleader. But if all you do is cheer, eventually people stop growing.
Why?
• Praise without direction leads to complacency.
• Strengths become comfort zones.
• And without challenge, people stay stuck, after all we need not just what we want to hear but need to hear.
Cheerleaders mean well. But sometimes they’re so afraid of upsetting people that nothing ever gets corrected and the whole team ends up clapping in unison while heading straight for a cliff.
💢 The Critic: Tough Love Gone Too Far
Critics, on the other hand, are allergic to kindness.
They tell it like it is. Blunt, honest, and (let’s face it) occasionally savage. They think they’re building excellence. But more often, they’re building quiet resentment.
Because criticism without care doesn’t grow people. It crushes them.
• There’s an air of fear rather than confidence.
• Creativity dries up.
• And people start playing it safe just to avoid getting called out in Monday’s team meeting.
We’ve all met the “solo-preneur” who thinks they’re Moses leading people to the promised land. But when they turn around, no one’s following because of their lack of finesse for words.
🧢 The Coach: The Sweet Spot of Growth
Now we’re talking. The coach is the one who sees your potential and your blind spots and sticks around to walk with you through both.
I’ve never seen a coach in the 90+1 minutes of a game, step in to take the penalty. They release the right player at the right time, because they’ve coached said individual behind the scenes to become the right person.
They don’t just hype you up or tear you down. They challenge you to rise higher and give you tools to actually get there.
A coach knows they’re not there to score the goal. They’re there to make sure you’re ready when it’s your moment to shine.
Coaches:
• Encourage without enabling average
• Correct without crushing spirit
• Guide without controlling or micromanaging
They’re the ones who say, “I see more in you than you see in yourself. Let’s get to work.”
🛠️ Coaching in a Pastoral & Discipleship context
A few thoughts that differ from the old feedback sandwich. Here’s some thoughts on how to give feedback that leads to change:
1 Separate Praise and Criticism Clearly “Here’s what’s working and here’s where you can improve.”
2 Ask for Their Preference “Do you want the good news or the growth areas first?”
3 I See In You “I know you can level up and here’s how.”
4 Make It a Two-Way Street “What do you need from me to get there?”
Wisdom to Digest
Leadership isn’t about being the loudest cheerleader or the harshest critic. It’s about becoming the kind of coach who helps people grow into who God always intended them to be.
I wonder if we all started leading like coaches, our teams (and churches, and homes, and friendships) would be healthier, happier, and way more fruitful?
🤔 Quick Question:
Which one do you lean toward the most?
Cheerleader? Critic? Or Coach?